Welcome to Rethink 40. Here, we explore the reflections, challenges, and opportunities that come with turning 40 (and beyond)—navigating careers, family, and life’s changing priorities. Whether you're looking for clarity, growth, or just a little inspiration, you’re in the right place. 

 

About Me

 

Hi, I’m a married father of 2, and like many of you, I find myself at a crossroads. As I approach 40, I’m navigating one of the most challenging yet pivotal stages of my life. For the past few years, I've been living with my wife, two boys, and mother-in-law, after pressing pause on our dreams of owning a home. The housing market just didn’t and stil doesn't make sense, and instead of forcing the issue, we chose to wait—though the decision hasn’t been easy and we are tested daily with news of new homes hitting the market.

 

At the same time, I’ve found myself questioning my career path and myself as a man. As someone who’s spent years working in sales-centric jobs, I often wonder if this is what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. The pressure to get it right—to make sure the next step is the right one—is something I wrestle with every day. Will I feel immense regret on my deathbed, wishing I had spent my days doing something I enjoyed? The fear of making the wrong decision, combined with the self-doubt that comes with turning 40 and feeling like I have accomplished nothing, has been a constant companion. And yet, here I am, rethinking, reflecting, and searching for clarity.

 

Rethink 40 is my space to process these struggles, but it’s more than that. I knwo that there has to be others out there that feel this way. It’s my hope that this blog becomes a community where we can support one another as we face the complexities of midlife. Here, we’ll explore the big questions—about career, purpose, family, and everything in between. My goal isn’t just to share my story, but to help you find inspiration, clarity, and maybe even some answers along the way.

 

So whether you're feeling lost, uncertain, or just curious about what this next chapter holds, you’re not alone. Together, we can rethink, reflect, and redefine what life at 40—and beyond—can be.

 

Let’s figure this out, one step at a time.

 

The Power of Boundaries: How Being Honest with Yourself Helps You Set Healthier Boundaries with Others

 

When it comes to setting boundaries, most people think it’s all about learning to say “no” to others. But here’s the thing: setting healthy boundaries actually starts with something much more personal—being completely honest with yourself. If you’re not clear on your own values, needs, and limits, it’s almost impossible to set boundaries that truly protect your well-being and help you maintain balanced relationships. In this post, I’m going to explore how self-honesty is the foundation of healthy boundaries and how getting clear on your values can lead to more authentic interactions and a happier life.

 

Why Self-Honesty is the Key to Setting Boundaries

Before you can establish boundaries that work, you need to have a strong sense of who you are and what you stand for. This self-awareness is crucial for understanding what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. For years, I struggled to set boundaries because I didn’t really know what I wanted or needed. I was afraid of conflict, afraid of being perceived as selfish, and afraid of losing relationships if I asserted myself. But by avoiding these tough conversations and burying my true feelings, I was living out of alignment with my own values—and that’s a recipe for resentment and burnout.

 

So, how do you start being honest with yourself? Begin by taking stock of your current situation. Ask yourself questions like:

  • What do I value most in my life?
  • What behaviors or situations make me feel uncomfortable, stressed, or drained?
  • Where do I feel I’m compromising my own needs to please others?

 

These questions can help you clarify what’s really important to you. Once you understand your own values, you can start identifying the boundaries you need to set to protect them.

 

The Connection Between Self-Honesty and Authentic Boundaries

Self-honesty is what allows you to set boundaries that are true to who you are. Without it, boundaries are just empty statements that are hard to maintain. When you’re unclear about your own values and priorities, it’s easy to let others overstep your limits. Maybe you agree to things that make you uncomfortable or let disrespectful behavior slide because you don’t want to rock the boat. But when you’re clear on what you stand for, setting boundaries becomes less about keeping others out and more about creating space to honor your own needs.

 

Setting boundaries from a place of self-honesty doesn’t mean being rigid or unkind. It means saying “yes” to yourself and living in alignment with your true self. When you set boundaries from this perspective, they become easier to communicate and maintain, because you’re not just setting arbitrary limits—you’re protecting what genuinely matters to you.

 

How to Set Boundaries Once You Know Your Values

Once you’re honest with yourself, setting boundaries becomes much clearer. You know what you will and won’t tolerate, and you can communicate this more effectively to others. Here are a few steps to help you put this into practice:

 

Identify Your Non-Negotiables: These are the things you absolutely need in your life to feel safe and respected. For example, if family time is a core value, set a boundary around not working late hours or accepting work-related calls during dinner.

 

Communicate Clearly: Use “I” statements to express your boundaries in a way that focuses on your needs rather than blaming others. For example, “I need time alone to recharge after work, so I won’t be available for calls in the evenings.”

 

Be Consistent: Stick to your boundaries. It’s natural to feel guilt or pushback when you start asserting your needs, but consistency is key to reinforcing your boundaries.

 

Expect Resistance: People who are used to you not having boundaries might react negatively at first. This is normal. Stand firm and remember why you’re doing this—for your own well-being.

 

Reassess Regularly: Your boundaries may evolve as your values and life circumstances change. Make time to reflect on whether your current boundaries are still serving you well.

 

Why Boundaries Aren’t Just About Keeping People Out—They’re About Letting the Right People In

One of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries is that they’re meant to create distance between you and others. The reality is that boundaries are meant to create safe, respectful spaces where authentic relationships can flourish. When you’re honest with yourself and others, you attract people who value and respect your limits. You also weed out relationships that drain your energy or push you to compromise on your values.

 

Establishing boundaries isn’t easy, and there will be setbacks along the way. But the more you practice self-honesty and stay true to your values, the more natural it becomes. And remember—boundaries aren’t about isolation. They’re about creating connections that are genuine, fulfilling, and aligned with who you really are.

 

Final Thoughts: Start Setting Boundaries with Self-Honesty

If you’ve struggled with setting boundaries in the past, start by looking inward. Get honest with yourself about what truly matters, and then build your boundaries from there. Boundaries set from a place of self-awareness and self-respect will always be more authentic, effective, and easier to maintain. Once you establish these boundaries, you’ll find it’s not just about saying “no” to others—it’s about saying “yes” to yourself and living a life that’s true to who you really are.

 

So, take that first step today. Define your values, honor your needs, and start setting boundaries that reflect the real you. Your future self—and your relationships—will thank you for it.